A Mad Tea Party
by Queen Charlotte the Courageous
Summary: Summary: My version of the 'Mad Tea-Party' from 'Alice in Wonderland'. In the form of a script.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own 'Alice in Wonderland', Tolkien's Elvish (some of the names of places and creatures are Elvish words) or 'The Chronicles of Narnia' (which I got the idea of stars being people from)

**Summary: **My version of the 'Mad Tea-Party' from 'Alice in Wonderland'. This is in script form because I wrote it for my drama group at school and then decided to publish it on here. I tried to keep the characters in character (if that makes sense!) and I hope you enjoy it.

**'A Mad Tea-Party' script**

Alice: _(Approaching the table)_ How curious, this table looks set for tea, yet it is not half an hour since breakfast-time.

Hatter: _(Noticing Alice)_ Are you what one might call a human?

Alice: Of course I'm human.

Hatter: How delightful!

Alice: Do you mean to say that you've never met a human before?

Hatter: _(Slightly mournfully)_ Never

Hare: _(To Alice) _What's your name?

Alice: Alice, what are your names?

Hare: I'm the March Hare

Dormouse: (Sleepily) I'm the Dormouse

Hatter: And I'm the Hatter

Alice: Hatter, does that mean you make hats?

Hatter: Design hats, make hats, wear hats and even sell hats. _(Points to hat on head) _This one's ten percent off, do you like it?

Alice: It's lovely

Hare: But however did you get here? We do not often get travellers from the world of humans.

Alice: I'm not really sure, I was following a rabbit and then I fell down a hole and I sort of floated... _(Trails off thoughtfully)_

Hare: Sit down (pulls out a chair)

Alice: Thank you

Hatter: _(Offering Alice a glass of red liquid which he has just poured from a jug)_ Have some Naralda juice_. (Holding the jug out to the Hare and Dormouse)_ Would you like some more? _(They shake their heads and while this is happening Alice takes the glass, smells the liquid, tastes some, makes a face and puts the glass down)_

Hatter: Do you know what happened the other day? I was sitting having tea...

Hare: _(interrupts)_ You're always having tea

Hatter: _(Casts a dirty look at the Hare and carries on)_ I was sitting having tea and a cabor flew past. A cabor! I hadn't seen one since I was last walking in the Galen Woods.

Alice: What's a cabor?

Hare: Cabors are a bit like frogs but bigger, purple and with wings.

Dormouse: I know a story about a cabor.

Alice: Oh do tell it to us. I would love to hear it.

Dormouse: Alright then. There was once a very fat cabor who lived by a pond. It was a syrup pond.

Alice: What's a syrup pond?

Hatter: Don't tell me you've never seen a syrup pond before? (Alice shakes her head) Well it's just a pond full of syrup instead of water. Where do you get syrup if not from a syrup pond?

Hare: The Dormouse has fallen asleep again_. (Prods the Dormouse) _Wake up, wake up.

Dormouse: I was always awake.

Hatter: No you weren't.

Alice: Please carry on with your story, Dormouse.

Dormouse: Yes, so the cabor was so fat that he could not fly. Every time he flapped his wings he stayed on the ground. He tried climbing up trees, jumping out and flapping his wings but he just fell to the ground and bounced. Then one day a butterfly came to the pond to drink the syrup. The butterfly noticed the cabor and said "How did you get a hole in your wing, cabor?"

Alice: The butterfly spoke?

Dormouse: Of course, and then it said…

Alice_: (Cutting in impatiently)_ But butterflies can't speak

Hatter: Have you ever seen a butterfly?

Alice: I've seen hundreds of butterflies. My sister and I catch them with nets and put them in jars.

Hatter: Well no wonder they never talk to you, they don't like being caught you know. Maybe if you treated them better they might let you hear them talk.

Hare: Let the Dormouse finish his story quickly or else he'll fall asleep again and we'll never hear the end.

Dormouse: Yes, so the butterfly said "How did you get a hole in your wing, cabor?" and the cabor said sadly "I haven't got a hole in my wing. I've never been able to fly because when I was little I ate too many finnflies and so now I'm too heavy for my wings". "It's not the finnflies." Said the butterfly, "You've got a huge hole in your wing, no wonder you can't fly. I couldn't when I got a hole in my wing. You need to go to the Estel pool. If you drink the liquid in the pool it will heal you, I'll show you where it is". So the butterfly flew along next to the cabor and they went to the Estel pool. When they got there they saw a huge pool of golden liquid. The cabor drank some. Immediately his wings felt stronger. He flapped them and rose into the air. "I can fly, I can fly!" he shouted. And then, and then… _(Falls asleep)_

Hatter_: (Shouts)_ DORMOUSE!

Dormouse_: (Jumps and wakes with a start) _What?

Alice: We want to hear the end of the story.

Dormouse: Oh, so the cabor could fly and he lived happily ever after feasting on finnflies and getting fatter and fatter but still able to fly.

Alice: That was a nice story. I wish I could see a cabor.

Hatter: You'll never see one here, we're too near to him.

Alice: Him?

Hatter: Yes him, the sun. The cabors fell out with him a long time ago.

Alice: How can you fall out with the sun, the sun is a star, not a person.

Hare: Of course it's a person, all the stars are people, this one is closest to us and his name is Sun.

Alice: It doesn't look like a person, how many round, orange people have you met?

Hatter: Well of course it doesn't look like a person you silly girl, he is not in his human form when he is in the sky.

Alice: You mean he can change forms, like a shapeshifter?

Hare: Yes, and no. He can change forms but the can only change between two forms: the star and the human. Also, he cannot be in his human form in the sky.

Alice: But why does he not come back to earth and change forms in the middle of the day and leave us with no sun?

Hatter: That happened once, although it was not Sun, it was another star. He got bored of spending all his time in the sky and he returned to earth before his time as a star had finished.

Hare: You see a star is only a star for a certain amount of time, then they are stuck as humans, often for tens of years and then they return to the sky.

Alice: So what happened to him, this star?

Hare: He was punished, he lost his powers so he could never turn into a star again.

Alice: But who punished him?

Hare: The question is not who, but what. It was magic that punished him, the same thing that gave him his powers in the first place.

Hatter: I need a clean plate, let's all move on one place. (Everyone moves on one place)

You see whenever we need clean things we move on because it is always tea time so we don't have time to wash up.

Alice: But what happens when you come to the beginning again? (Everyone looks around)

Hatter: Let's have a riddle competition.

Alice: Yes lets, I love riddles.

Hatter: (To Alice) You go first, tell us a riddle and we'll guess the answer.

Alice: OK, how about this one: what travels far but always stays stuck in a corner?

Hare: I don't know

Dormouse: Cheese? (Alice gives him a funny look)

Hatter: I don't know, what's the answer?

Alice: But you've only just started guessing!

Hatter: I know, but I want to tell my riddle.

Alice: The answer is a postage stamp.

Hatter: A what?

Alice: A postage stamp, you know, the things that you stick on letters. (Look of confusion from the others.) Never mind.

Hatter: OK, my turn. How is a cactus like a bar of soap?

Alice: I don't know

Hatter: Well try to guess.

Hare: They both grow in hot places?

Alice: Soap doesn't grow in hot places, soap doesn't grow at all, it's a man-made object.

Hare: Or a hare-made object, hares make soap too you know.

Dormouse: I've never made soap

Hatter: But you're not a hare. Come on keep guessing.

Hare: Alice, would you like some Samah bread?

Alice: Yes please, although it isn't really tea time.

(Hare hands her a green flat object)

Alice: This is bread?

Hare: Of course, butter? (Passes her the butter. She spreads it and takes a bite)

Alice: It tastes like peas.

Hatter: Peas? What do peas taste like?

Alice: This

Hatter: Well I've never had any peas, I fear that I may be missing out on a wonderful delicacy.

Alice: Peas aren't that nice really and they're only good with roast dinner.

Hatter: You're hair needs cutting

Alice: It's very rude to make personal remarks you know.

Hatter: You're popostearous.

Alice: That's not a real word

Hatter: Yes it is; I just invented it.

Alice: The fact that you just invented it does not make it real. I bet it's not even in the dictionary.

Hare: What's a dictionary?

Alice: It's a sort of book...

Hare: Is it a talking book?

Alice: A what?

Hare: A talking book

Alice: I'm afraid I've never heard of a talking book before.

Hatter: Of course you haven't, you haven't heard of anything. You have a very limited knowledge.

Alice: My knowledge is fine thank you very much. Anyway, I don't think we have talking books where I come from.

Dormouse: Where _do_ you come from?

Alice: London

Dormouse: London, where's that?

Alice: England of course

Hare: England?

Hatter: Don't worry, she's completely mad, doesn't know what she's talking about.

Alice: That's rich coming from you

Hatter: My dear Alice, if I am mad you are completely round the bend.

Alice: That's not a very nice thing to say. I can see why people say you're mad. You're out of your mind, not to mention rude. I've had enough; I'm leaving, good day. _(Gets up and walks off) _

Hatter: _(Turns to hare)_ Have I said something?

A/N: Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this please leave a review, but no flames or rude comments please. I love getting reviews and I try to respond personally to every one so if you liked this at all please review. Thanks!


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